Practicing on taxi drivers

Whenever I catch a taxi somewhere, I often end up practicing conversations. Behind the otherwise anonymous driver is a person with a backstory, driving experiences, dreams and challenges. In a fifteen to twenty minute ride you can get to know a lot. I find those little trips excellent training opportunities. Every ride reminds me that interesting conversations are less about meeting interesting people and more about becoming interested in the people you meet.

Conversations start before the first question

A good starting point for me is often a small revealing detail in the cab environment. A religious symbol, a flag, a photo, an accent perhaps, and sometimes the car itself. Something that gives me a clue about the person, something to start with. And if someone has chosen to display a symbol or flag or photo, I take that as a signal they're comfortable talking about it.

So I strike up a conversation.

-So are you perhaps from the Punjab region?

-How are you enjoying driving for Uber?

-Love your car. How long have you had it?

Don't start with yourself. Don't manufacture something contrived. Start with what's already present.

From there, the conversation can go in any direction. How long have you been here? What do you miss from home? Where do you go for good Punjabi food? How often do you go back to visit? What do you really enjoy about living in Australia?

While topics are relatively easy to create, follow and move between, the practice is learning how to notice, how to ask, how to remain interested, how to make a space for honesty and reality to be shared.

That's the same practice, it turns out, whether you're in a taxi or on a worksite.

Curiosity is different from interrogation

It's easy to ask questions. It's more challenging to ask questions that create energy, that open up the conversation, or that encourage people to share a bit more about themselves.

I don't set out to gather facts about Sikhs or people from the Punjab region, even though that happens through osmosis. I want to explore someone's experience.

Notice the difference between:

"Do you miss back home?"

and

"When you go back home to visit, what do you enjoy that you can only do or have there?"

One gathers information. The other invites much richer, nuanced, and personal aspects of their worlds .

Curiosity is about opening space for stories, for experience, for honesty to emerge. For that, predetermined question lists are pretty useless. Instead, try pursuing what’s present and alive.

Imagine someone saying "I miss my grandmother's cooking."

Many are likely to move to the next prepared question, satisfied to have an answer. A more curious stance would be to stay with the topic, and ask something like "What did she cook?" That could open a memory-rich, personal, and colourful conversation.

My takeaway

Through many of these conversations I've come to believe and know that:

• Most people have interesting lives.

• Almost everyone has overcome something.

• People are often carrying invisible burdens.

• People are usually happy to talk when they feel respected.

• The world becomes less stereotyped when you know actual people.

Fifteen minutes. Two strangers. A little curiosity. The more I do this, the more convinced I become that most people are far more interesting than they first appear. The limitation is rarely the other person. More often it's the quality of attention we bring to them.

Daniel

PS Southpac International recently published a video of me sharing a story about the value of having safety conversations. Check it out here.